HO-HUM.
I watched The Holiday twice. Once with the person inflicting me the similar pain depicted in the movie, and once with the person taking the pain off me.
Obviously, the second one was more enjoyable. There was more popcorn, more drinks, more laughter, more tears.

Who says I don't enjoy crying? I do, okay?
It feels great to be free of stupid feelings. It feels GREAT to be free of everything and anything that upsets me.
I miss my friends so much, but everyone's so busy.

Can't wait for school to start. Can't wait to meet new people, make new friends, and still keep the old ones.

I FEEL GREAT. I FEEL SUPERB.
I saw his pictures with all the other girls and I feel great. I FEEL SO GOOD THAT I'M NOT ANYWHERE TO BE FOUND IN THE PICTURE.
I'M OUT OF THE PICTURE.
Everyone who is anyone to him is really anyone to him, in the real sense of the word.
So I'm not anyone to him, and it's nice to be just that way.

I've been feeling better, more relieved and happier than I had ever been the entire year.
I've also grown more self-absorbed, talking all about myself.

It rained today, and I shared an umbrella with this very kind man who was OLD (gulp!) but CHARMING (gasp!) and SUAVE (swoon!).
Please act out the bracketed actions, because you would be doing the same if you were me.
I think he's married, with three young kids, and comes home with toys for each and every one of his beloved children.
Nothing for his wife, because I'm just jealous of her for having such a good-looking husband.
Or, maybe he's a jerk.
Maybe he's a paedophile.
Maybe he's a con.

I feel so unsatisfied with my PAE posting.
I feel like I should have studied harder, secured a place in a better JC, because I want to.
(I'm not going to say because I can because I really am not sure of that.)

Marina Square is the dumbest place to go to. The shops are generally smaller compared to other malls in the area. The cinema is not exceptional. The Novo outlet is freaking small, and the shoes supply is freaking limited. The Zara and Topshop/Topman outlet may be commendably big, but hey, I'm swearing myself off shirts from these two shops. I'm swearing myself off Topshop because they obviously did not consider the needs of the very Ana people, because their shirts never fit me. Zara's shirts are better, but they don't fit me nicely. They fit, but they don't.


Hurry write me my paycheck and just hand over the bursary money please. I don't need a function to go on stage and receive it. I just want the money.

I'm such an ingrate. So impatient, persistent and so so so smug.

I'd turn a flame into a fire.
Baby, you're so so Fine.

This is the start of a more serious post.
I've witnessed, through the environment I grew up in and throught the lives of those close to me, how infidelity and inconstancy is closely related to men. I am not generalising, but am simply referring to those who fall in the category of men who simply cannot resist a little temptation and are not able to keep their emotions and feelings in check.

I've watched how men's inconstancy robbed them of their wife and children. How they leave all these important people for someone they THOUGHT was much better. In love, the illusions you have of someone can kill you. It can make you feel emotions you never knew you had inside you, but it can rob you of everything else that makes you who you are. When you are the subject of the chase, you feel good about yourself. It boosts your self-esteem and confidence. It's healthy. But when you allow yourself to be overpowered, when you put your guard down and return this fatal attraction, you are simply humiliating yourself, insulting the beliefs and values you deemed yourself to possess.

I'm disgusted by how cheap they make themselves out to be. Easily bought and won over with money and the big 'M'. How Money can get them to do someone else's bidding and betray the people who had faithfully stood by them in their harsher years. How they easily throw away kinship and family ties for something even they know is superficial.

He KNOWS it. He is completely aware. But he chose her over them. It speaks volumes about the person that he is. And even though in terms of age and maturity I am to respect him, I do not, and I never will. I do not respect a man who takes up a new responsibility and neglects his other responsibilities (that weighs more in terms of importance). I do not respect a man who does not carry out his responsibilities as a son, husband and father, but makes a very efficient and faithful lover to his mistress.

His values are not in sync with the family values that my parents taught me, and I detest him for doing those despicable deeds to people who have the same blood flowing through their veins as I do.
I've seen for myself, how a man loses his family, their trust and everything they took years to build for someone whom he barely knows for a year. I saw how she managed to lure him with her wealth and sex appeal, how she managed to blind him with her superficial signs of affections that were all conveyed through materials, money and the three letter controversial word. SEX.

I saw how she managed to silence his questions and uncertainties about their relationship with the assets and properties that she owns. She knows that he is a father and a husband, but she doesn't care. She lulled him with gifts, the perfect job, everything material.

I pity the wife. I empathise with her. The rice that she feeds her children, the cost of the maintenance of the house and her clothes, her bills, the gifts she buys for her children and the money she has in her hands are from her husband's mistress. She must have felt vulnerable, miserable and helpless, I'm sure.
And what makes it more saddening is the fact that I know these people. They're right there in my life, but I can't reach them.

I was walking that day and I thought I caught a glimpse of Hasif. I thought. He used to call my house sometimes, asking to speak to me and Asy. We'd talk about our life, his current girlfriend, problems, issues, our families, and everything else. Gone are the days that he used to call. He hardly calls me and Asy out for get-togethers now. Sometimes he'd ask us to watch him play soccer, or sometimes to the Theme Park. He'd sleep over at my house sometimes and we'd have great laughs together.

People change. Even at Forty.