"How to be Right -- The Essential Guide to Making Lefty Liberals History", as extracted by Deborah.

Drop the Debt
A rich, gullible, well-meaning uncle has lent you $100 million. And rather than invest it wisely as the naive old buffer had hoped, you've gone and blown it on whores, drugs, a fleet of Mercedes and a fabbo palace with two statues of yourself at the entrance -- once made of platinum and bongo horn, one fashioned from pure pashmina. You have a suspicion that, when he finds out, your uncle's going to be quite cross. And not unreasonably either, given that your cousin in Asia has used the same amount of money to build a thriving business which is doing so well that before long, he's going to pay your uncle's money back with interest. But then, something truly amazing happens.

A famous rock star has got to hear of your plight, and made up his mind that being now so very badly in debt, you qualify as one of society's dispossessed and are therefore in need of much sympathy. After all, think of all the money you owe your uncle in interest alone. How are you going to get back into the black with debts like that? "Clearly," says that rock star, "there is only one solution. Your uncle must "drop the debt". And sure enough, gullible old fool that he is, he does.

Are you:a) So chastened by guilt and so touched by your uncle's generosity of spirit that you resolve from henceforward to keep your financial house in order; to spend it wisely and frugally; to build your business until it rivals even that of your Asian cousin's? b) wetting yourself with laughter at your uncle's stupidity; thinking "well if he can afford to lose a hundred mil that easily, he must be good for another hundred million at the very least!"

Now put yourself in the shoes of an African kleptocrat dictator, whose sole aim is to take his country's economy for as much money as he possibly can before the inevitable coup when he flees in his private jet to Saudi Arabia or France. a or b? Really, it's a no brainer.

Rock Stars ( Also applicable to Movie Stars)
"Rock stars. Is there anything they don't know?" asked Homer Simpson. They know, for example, that the only way of saving Africa is to pour billions more of your money into shoring up corrupt regimes, encouraging them to default on loans and providing barmy kleptocrats with ever larger fleets of Mercedes.

How do they know all this? Simple. Instead of filling their heads at school with nonsense like facts, they spent their time singing, strumming their guitars and having a lot more sex than you ever will. Then they strummed a bit more. Had more sex. Took drugs. Got a record deal. This led to more sex, drugs and strumming. Then they had a hit record and got famous, enabling them to do all of these while travelling around in jets and limos and staying in expensive hotels. Which in turn gave them access to prime ministers, popes and presidents who hang on to their every word. Oh, and somewhere along the way, they became instant experts on how to make the world perfect.

French, The
Who built Saddam Hussein's first nuclear reactors? The French. Who prefer to imagine that in June 1944 they liberated themselves without any help? The French. Who aren't pulling their weight in Afghanistan? The French. Whose farmers run the EU? The French. Who promised to sort out Lebanon because it's supposed to be "their" patch but are actually doing bugger because they daren't upset Hezbollah? The French. Who produce the world's ponciest, most wrong headed, incomprehensible and far-up-their-own-bottoms intellectuals? The French. Who lost at Crecy, Agincourt, Poitiers, Blenheim, Ramillies, Oudenarde, Malplaquet, the Battle of the Nile, Trafalgar, Talvera, Waterloo, the Franco-Prussian war and Dien Bien Phu and have consequently decided to opt out of all further fighting, because they're a bunch of cheese-eating surrender monkeys? THE FRENCH.