maybe i'm just always too scared,
always too afraid to get out of my comfort zone.

this space that i had demarcated is mine and only mine and i know that just as long as i keep the cruelty of the world out of my cloistered space, then maybe nobody can harm me.
but i was wrong once, twice, every single time.

i remember october and ashes and powder. i remember the serene frozen face that ought to have served as the greatest reminder and guidance. i remember the last tearful peck on her cheek. but i don't remember learning, i don't remember struggling. in fact, i don't remember a thing.

even when i'm looking down, i see the world in front of me. i see the faces of detractors and the like. and my loved ones, they're all behind me.