I don't understand how I can leave home at 6.30am and still be late for early sign-in. I think my classies would want to slap me at this moment. I've told them so many times and that is really the only thing they've heard from me the entire day. So I shall rephrase my words, I don't know how I can make an effort to be early but end up late, and end up early when I made no effort.

The other day, I left home early so I could catch the 0630++ bus, but it came at 0640. But I still won't be late if I got on 89 by 0700. I reached the 89 bus stop close to 0650 and the bus only came at 0711. The traffic at the expressway wasn't being a bitch, so I was hopeful. True enough, at 0726, I was only a stop away from school. And I would have been on time, if only the bus stopped at the school bus stop. But it didnt, so everyone had to alight at the next stop and walk to school. As a result, we were late.

Just a few days later, I left home at 0630 again, but having had a bad encounter with the bus, I resorted to taking the LRT. Whilst walking, I missed the 0630++ train, and I thought, hey, not so bad, if I could just get on the next train, I won't be late. Since I was already outside the LRT entrance, I was extremely convinced I won't miss the next train. EXTREMELY. But guess what, that train never came. The next train only came at 0652, which is the train after the one I meant to take.

Oh, and the other time, I missed 2 trains whilst racing to the LRT. I missed one train as I was walking to the road. At the road, I was forced to wait for traffic to disappear before I can jaywalk, and whilst waiting, I missed the next train.

Maybe I have always been late all my life, but now it really sucks because I am not strolling or even being ignorant of my punctuality. I am consciously trying to be early, but I can't. That's an even bigger problem.

Maybe it's my environment. I've lived with Kak Nad almost all my life, and I see her as often as I see my next-door neighbour and it doesn't help that she's constantly calling for cabs to work because she has a major punctuality problem. If she tells me that she'd meet me at 4pm, it means that at 4pm, she will shower and then leave the house only an hour later. My parents have never been strict with schedules and timing. If they were tell me they'd be somewhere at 4pm, I would have instinctively come at 4.30pm mentally prepared to wait. Maybe punctuality is a serious issue.

But I don't think suspension is tantamount to the harm done by being late, especially if it was a matter of mere minutes. I don't think that it's a fair punishment.

I think I was cranky the entire day. I'm sorry, just that the grades and the punctuality issue is a big deal for me because I usually don't get that much attention from teachers. I have always been the girl in class that the teacher knows little about. I don't expose myself to potentially dangerous individuals like teachers, not if i can help it. Such ambiguity grant me benefit from their doubts.

Speaking of ambiguity, I embrace ambiguity. Knowing too much and seeing too much makes me think too much.