I don't know what I am going to do in life. I just want to be successful, but up till now, I still don't know what success means. I sat down at the benches with Sue today and I pondered and wondered about direction. Ambitions. I asked her what she'd wanted to do in life, and she answered with conviction. She had a direction. When she asked me what I wanted, I told her I don't know. My reply, like hers, was full of conviction, only more thwarted and myopic.

I feel dead. Even when I'm laughing to tears, I still feel dead.