I wanted this badly, I wanted options but right now it just spells confusion and dilemma. Just when I am convinced with one option, my mind drifts into thinking of all that I am forgoing by choosing that option. I have so many things I want to do but I don't know which is the one I want most. I should have given my education costs greater consideration and applied for financial aids/bursaries much earlier. Now everything is closed and I'm not even sure if I can get aids/bursaries/grants/loans. This is so Zahirah. Only Zahirah can make Zahirah really upset. :(

And oh god bless my little cousin who says incorigible things like how she would kick, slap, smash, throw and KILL (insert names of people she is angry at), who calls me STUPID and cut my hair and throw objects at me while I'm sleeping!!! I have no idea how she will grow up to be. But she's sweet at times, telling me to "be careful" at work, telling me she loves me and that she'd buy me sweets, haha. I honestly think she has bipolar disorder.

I should go to bed now. But my eyes won't close. Why? My brain's shut off function is spoilt, I can't keep out those little voices in my head, those ringing thoughts, they're shouting into my ears, I can't block them all out. I should probably open an account under Azy's sleep debt bank, I am really upping my figures. It's not that I don't want to sleep but I can't. My body is trying to tell my brain to sleep but it's not working. The mind controls everything. Mind over body, so they say.