For months and years I always told myself that things would work out fine, and I have always said it with that dubious voice inside my head nagging at me to wake up and stop being so naive. Nothing ever is that simple. Through all those years, I fought that voice, tried to prove it wrong. And even though I didn't, that voice never got to prove me wrong either. Or maybe I just refused to believe it when it did.



The couple of months has been a period of neglect, and the whole not-talking saga just doesn't help the situation very much does it? It even got to a point that I was extremely frustrated, annoyed, angry at those long silences that sit with us throughout the car rides, dinners and lunches. It felt like we're having a relationship with Silence, like it was an essential part of our relationship that cannot and will not go away. But somebody has to go. I tried to tell you that something had to be done about Silence, but all that came out from my mouth was nothing. Silence. It has invaded our lives, it had such a pervasive hold on us as individuals and as a couple that we couldn't push it away because we cannot find the words to say it.



.......... and so much more.



Maybe a few years back, I could point a finger to one of us for our failure but now, after 5 years of us trying so hard, it's a harsher reality than you being a jerk or me being a bitch. It's just that we're just not meant to be together. We explode on each other, we're too much of this, too less of that. We tried for 5 years. The reasons really are that We Cannot, we are long past the sentences of We Do Not. We like to think the worst of each other, we are always on each other's necks, we just keep arguing and fighting. It gets taxing.



And all those things you said about me aren't even true, but as long as my conscience is clear, you can say anything you want and I'll let it pass.



Goodnight.